Second Round of Chemo Starts Tuesday

Tuesday, July 7th, starting at 9:00AM, I'm back for my second round of chemo.

If this seems like quite a delay from the first round (which happened back in mid-June) I would agree -- and I asked my chemo doc about it. He reminded me that there are dozens of different chemo regimens available, and the doc in charge makes a choice depending on the type of cancer involved, the current status of the cancer, the overall health of the patient and so forth. He applauded my interest in being as "aggressive" as possible (although I was actually just looking for clarification). But he told me that "high-dose platinum" chemo (which is what I'm doing) takes such a toll on the healthy cells of the body that it takes this long for the body to recover to the point that it's prepared to handle the next set of dosages. And of course, I will take his word on it and be thankful for the break.

Quite frankly, dear reader, I'm anxious and frightened about these upcoming weeks. The effects of both chemo and rad therapies are cumulative. And although I started all this in pretty good health, my internal resources are not today what they were two or three weeks ago. And a number of my medical team members have tried gently to alert me to the fact that the second two weeks tend to be a lot more challenging than the first two.

Now I know that:

-- I have excellent medical support.

-- I have the care and love and enthusiastic support of so many people.

-- I'm still probably in better shape than many others who have successfully walked this path.

-- That there is an end point to the discomfort not that far away and the promise of complete recovery and a "clean bill of health."

-- Maybe most importantly, I have the constant and most comprehensive care and support and love of my wonderful wife -- whose birthday last Friday I forgot...

But every now and then, all this doesn't seem to be enough. And I just get scared of what the next two weeks might bring and I start to get angry and fall into a victim mentality...

So I try to pray and meditate and stay centered and breathe and that helps a lot. And I try to stay in the essence of the moment and not worry about things I can't affect and that helps. And I pick up my latest Terry Pratchett novel (I'm now the proud owner of 7 of them -- and three of them are still unread!) and that helps a lot. And I think again about all the people -- literally around the world! -- who are staying with me on this journey with caring and love and that helps a lot. And then I weep a bit and that helps some. And it's all rather like a summer storm: after it passes, there is a profound, almost sacred peace.

There are gifts here.