I haven't been posting for the last several days.
You may recall that my last posting, "Health Update 8/21/09" mentioned a bump on my right chin that my E/N/T doc -- just to be sure -- should be biopsied. Which he did last Friday. And, he said, the results shold be available sometime early this week.
Since my cancer had been centered on the left side of my face and neck, anything showing up on the right side is:
-- if found to be benign, no great surprise and no big deal. It would be just another bump.
-- if found to be malignant, possibly a major setback in my therapy. With serious consequences.
Although my doc is on vacation, he left instructions that the lab should call him as soon as the biopsy results were known. So he could call me. He didn't call today.
So I have spent the last three days trying to place myself in God's hands and recognize that I have absolutely no control over what will happen. I've gone through the completely pointless exercise of trying to imagine how I would respond if the call comes and the doc tells me "A" or if the call comes and the doc tells me "B."
I've sat in front of the computer trying to write something for the blog -- anything for the blog -- and haven't been able to do it.
I'm simply terrified.
And as deeply as I appreciate all the love and caring, the thoughts and prayers that have been showered over me for the last few months, there are times when this experience is inevitably a lonely one.
I will let you know immediately what I hear from the doc. As soon as he calls.
(By the way, the keyboard playing is going well. I'll tell you more about that later.)
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Randy -
ReplyDeleteIf you don't hear something by tomorrow afternoon, I'm driving up to West Chester tomorrow after work, sleeping on your front porch and showing up at the lab as soon as they open to find out when they're getting the results to your doctor. Then I'm waiting by the phone to hear from your doctor. I'll call you in the afternoon to see if anything's happened. I am going to do this.
xo
martha
Martha, God bless you. You are speaking my heart.
ReplyDeleteRandy, I don't know if this is the wrong thing to say, but I've been checking the blog every 15 minutes today -- I am so nervous. Even though I know that cancer doesn't act like that -- it doesn't just suddenly produce a bump out of nowhere, or at least that's what I've always learned -- but still I'm so nervous.
The loneliness is the most painful thing to see from the sidelines.
All I can do is send love and focused goodness, so that's what I'm doing.
Fingers crossed
ReplyDeleteEllen
1) Good Luck
ReplyDelete2) Don't think about what to write
3) Write only when you want to
4) Thanks for writing
5) This whole mess will be a memory soon enough
z
Randy, I don't know what to say. I want to say something comforting, maybe a little profound and inspiring, but no matter where I go with it it doesn't seem adequate. So I'll just sit with you in silence, sending love and positive thoughts to you and Deb. Best of luck.
ReplyDeleteBonnie Reese
your doctor should have called you monday. period. if he doesn't get that not hearing is excruciating squared, he's in the wrong line of work.
ReplyDeletesorry. angry. been there.
john
Thanks for the update Randy. We're here, listening, or reading as the case may be. Write whatever you like, share whatever you want. We're here for you.
ReplyDelete-Martin B.
I'm here, praying. I know about the loneliness.
ReplyDeleteLove, Anne
Uncle Randy-
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time on your blog. I guess I've been a bit afraid to know what's going on. Well, I'm sorry I have been before, and will become a loyal reader. You're in our thoughts and prayers.
All my love, your niece-
Sarah