Counting My Blessings

As I sit here fulminating about not being healed right now and being deprived of my moo shu pork and Pinot Noir, I thought it would make sense to list all that I have to be thankful for. Things surrounding my medical condition:

The Weather: Given where we live (i.e., the mid-Atlantic states) we had every reason to expect hot, hazy, humid weather throughout July and August. Even without Global Warming. But the weather, as a rule, has been delightfully cool. We don't have air conditioning in our fine old house, and so we open every window at 4:00 or so in the morning to flush out the residual warmth from yesterday and start again with fresh, cool morning air. This morning, for example, the air outisde is 70 degF while the air inside is 78 degF. We have two fans assisting the natural flow of air up the stairs and out the upstairs windows. Closing our fancy new windows around 9:30 or 10AM (when the outside air climbs to the same temperature as the inside air), we will remain comfortable until we can open the windows again this evening.

This approach works wonderfully well -- assuming the outside air doesn't jump into the 90's and stay there. And it simply hasn't done that at any time this summer.

A blessing.

The Season. I am told that dealing with the throat-related issues I've blogged about is much tougher in the winter, when the dryness of the weather makes staying properly hydrated much more difficult. The mucus is even heavier and the dry mouth phenomenon is more pronounced.

Also, having daily access to the porch has been a blessing for me -- and especially for Deb, who uses the porch for rest and rejuvination on an almost daily basis. (See the posting in May titled "Porch Lessons" which extols the manifold virtues of our wonderful porch.)

Another blessing.

My Age. There is no good age to get cancer, I suppose... but if I had contracted the disease 15 years ago, I would be in the middle of my career as an independent consultant quite possibly with no health insurance at all. (In addition, I would like to think that I've grown spiritually and mentally since then and am far better prepared to handle the required activities and attitudes to get through this thing successfully.)

If I contracted the disease 15 years from now, I would likely not have the energy and recuperative powers that have impressed many of the medical staff that have taken care of me.

Yet another blessing.

The Nearness of our Medical Facilities. As mentioned in previous postings, it's a 15-minute drive to the radiation center, and the same distance to our Ear/Nose/Throat guy (whose office is in the same complex of buildings). And it's a 10-minute drive to the chemo center, which is right across the street from the Chester County Hospital. It's been tough enough trying to ingest six cans of Jevity in a day without any doctor visits at all -- given the length of each individual feeding and the requisite timing between feedings. And having to drive to Philadelphia or farther for appointments would toss that schedule that much farther out of kilter. Disrupt the schedule and lose another pound.

AND, it should go without saying, Deb and I have been perfectly comfortable with the medical advice and procedures which we've experienced here locally. I honestly don't think we could have done better by linking up with more prestigious institutions an hour or two away (i.e., Penn, Fox Chase, etc.).

One more blessing.

The Blog. The Blog has been an opportunity to express myself about some of the most trying things that have ever happened to me. Expressing myself to myself. To my friends and family. To the world at large. If no one had ever written a "Comment" response, the Blog would still have been a wonderful tool for me.

BUT, over a dozen people have taken the time to respond, and what they have told me has touched my heart again and again. I am astonished at how many people have responded and what they have said. I am often in tears after reading the beauty, the compassion, the understanding, the enthusiastic support, the gentle good humor (did somebody say monkeys?), and the gratitude that people have expressed that I would take the time to write this.

I hope all of you understand how vital this document has been to my well-being. And having you respond with "Yes, we hear you." said a dozen different ways makes the writing -- yours and mine -- all the more precious to me.

One more blessing.

You. Not only in your comments on the blog, but in your wonderful cards, and our conversations face-to-face or on the telephone, you tell me over and over again something that had not been at all apparent to me before I was diagnosed with cancer: There are so many people on this planet who care very deeply about me and my welfare.

I've led something of an insular life. And I've always known that I was surrounded by nice people. But, by your attitudes, your words, the compassion in your faces and voices, I now see how completely inadequate the word "nice" is.

You have completely changed the way I see the world around me.

An immense blessing.

Deb. Does it make sense to you that I can't even begin to blog about her in this context? Deb has done everything imaginable to make this experience tolerable for me. She has been unfailingly upbeat, cheerful and helpful in ways that I can't even begin to enumerate here.

I shudder to think what this experience would have been like without her.

She is the most wonderful of all blessings.

There's more to be said, but the day beckons. And the moo shu pork can wait for a week or two. Or a month or two. That's okay now.

But when I stare down at that plate of moo shu pork, I will count it as -- another blessing.