Clean -- Confirmed

I feel I need to tell you this, but most of you who know me well would have guessed this anyway:

I felt that the report on my PET/CT scan was simply too good to be true. I suppose I had been steeling myself against so many "What if..." scenarios, that a plain and simple "You're clean." seemed beyond any reasonable hope.

Since Deb and I got home from the doc's office yesterday, I've re-read the scan report (which is only one page long...) at least six or seven times. Looking for the bad news or at least cautionary news that must be embedded in there somewhere. And I couldn't find it.

Today, we met with my radiation doc. Regularly scheduled visit. And I thought if anyone could find the "uh-oh" that I had overlooked, he was the guy. But he started the session today almost exactly as the E/N/T guy did yesterday, telling me, in essence, "You're clean."

So that's two very clever and trustworthy docs telling me that things are okay. Maybe I can start to believe it. But it's just really hard for me to let go of the anxieties and and just immerse myself in the wonderfulness of being clean.

The radiation doc did clarify one bit of medical gobbledygook for me: "the mild atelectasis at the lung bases and lingula" means -- I'm pretty sure I got this right -- that the very lowest portions of my lungs have "deflated" due to lack of use, and that they should return to service after I can restart my regular exercise routine. Although I certainly do not and never have felt short of breath through any of this process.

So once I get a "green light" from my chemo doc (are you keeping track of all these docs, dear reader? I hope so!) that the blood clot in my leg is sufficiently dissolved that I can start hard workouts with my trainer again, my lungs should return to normal.

My radiation doc reminded the two of us that I will need to be rescanned every three or four months, and I'm perfectly fine with that. But then he told me that he didn't need to see me for another two months. And that really felt like he was so confident in my current state of clean-ness, that he could put me out on a very long leash. And that was a huge help in my coming to grips with what the docs, and the written report, and the response from so many of you have been trying to tell me: "It's time to let go and celebrate!!"

I've learned a lot about myself through this entire process, and this is one life lesson that I need to take more to heart:

Sometimes the things that seem too good to be true... are true anyway.