Jon -- the Aftermath

My brother -- Jon's dad -- sent an e-mail with some details of the coroner's report. And, as we thought, Jon died of a pulmonary embolism: a blood clot that went to Jon's lungs.

I understand that there are more details available on Jon's Facebook page -- information that Jon himself wrote shortly before he died plus postings from friends and family afterwards. But I can't bring myself to go looking for this.

I'm told, however, that Jon complained of chest pains shortly before he died and that his doctor described this condition as "bronchitis." (I can't confirm the leg pains that I mentioned in a previous posting. In retrospect, I see that my description of that was actually me projecting my own symptoms onto Jon...) And since Jon was young and otherwise healthy, it's understandable (I suppose) that the doctors didn't schedule a scan of his chest to find the root cause of his discomfort.

This last weekend, my sister and I worked on our Dad's house -- trying to get it ready to put on the market, since he's currently living in an Assisted Living facility. On Sunday afternoon, we drove over to see him and tell him about Jon. Dad's memory is spotty enough now that we had to explain several times who Jon was. Dad understood clearly that a young member of our family had passed away, but he struggled hard to place Jon's name and his position in the family. We tried five or six times, but we could almost watch the information quickly slide away from him.

On Dad's bedstand were three photos that were taken the previous weekend. We think they were taken at Jon's engagement party in New Jersey. The photos showed Jon's dad (our brother) and mom, his sister and her husband... and Jon. I hadn't seen Jon or a picture of him in almost a year, and it was striking to see what I felt was a new maturity and sense of purpose in Jon's face.

Perhaps it's for the best that Dad can't remember the details of who Jon was. He already lost his eldest son (my older brother) several years ago, and now he's lost a grandson. And it is crystal clear to all of us that the most important treasure in Dad's life is the family he's created. Dad neither needs nor deserves the heartache that the rest of us are feeling.

I e-mailed Jon's dad explaining that my doctors feel that I shouldn't be in a car for more than two or three hours a day because of my own blood clot situation. And, for that reason, I wouldn't be able to get to western Virginia in time for Jon's viewing or memorial service. And he wrote back that he was sure that Jon wouldn't want anyone to put themselves at risk so that they could attend his services. The response was beautifully worded and felt so much like Jon and his Dad writing to me simultaneously.

I don't believe I ever understood that beauty and pain could express themselves together like this...